Drugs Essay -- essays research papers

I was powerless over drinking and using...Imagine a cold, unheated flatcar in the middle of Hollywood. A bachelor sized apartment. No pictures hiatus on the w either, a mattress in the middle of the floor, a hard buttocks folding chair poseting in the middle of the room, a a few(prenominal) kitchen utensils and some old pots and pans laid on and around the kitchen stove with no place to go. You could hear the traffic zooming by on Franklin Avenue. When you opened the door with your key, you could see cockroaches running well-nigh on the walls and the floors. It felt was cold and smelled awful. The frontmost time I was visited by my then boyfriend, I watched him shoot cocaine, and unplowed a careful eye on where all the cockroaches were headed. It wasnt farseeing in the lead I allowed him to shoot me up also. It happened in that apartment, the place two sick, wretched addicts, my boyfriend and I, called home. This is the place I remember when I think about taking another dr ink once again. By deitys grace, I will neer become to go back there again. Thirteen years later, I am still so grateful for my sobriety and abstinence from all understanding-altering drugs. Id like to tell a bit of my story and a bit of my recovery. The feeling I got after cocaine went through my veins, into my drumhead was like nothing Id ever felt before. It was sure ecstasy. My body convulsed as the drug took its effect. Time was no longer a part of my world. Who bashs how long we spent in that awful apartment. I hallucinated and felt things touch me that werent significant clear to the naked eye. I was truly in another world, an evil, sullen world. He always provided the drugs and alcohol. When the drug would start to wear off, panic would perform in. I remember wishing I had a gun to veil myself. The pain that set in when my body began to crave more(prenominal) was again like no other feeling Ive ever experienced, or call for to experience again. I couldnt sleep, I felt extremely hopeless, my body couldnt sit still and my mind would not stop racing. It was absolute hell. Thank God there wasnt a loaded gun around. This is what it was like. I was prey to tribulation and depression, did not have any real friends, and most of all I hated myself. I knew I could not take any more cocaine. If I did, I wouldnt be writing to you today. However, this is a disease that affects the body, mind and spirit. My mind was gone. If I was offered cocaine, I could not turn it down. I mi... ... me if I ever injected into my neck veins. I thought-Ill stop before it gets that bad. Later on in my addiction I collapsed veins in both sides of my neck. I give tongue to I would NEVER sell my body, but Sept. of 1997 I started doing just that. speckle in my current curriculum, I made the difficult decision to have the family that adopted my first child adopt Amanda as well. I know it was the right choice. I have held the same job at a dog grooming shop for a year, an d will graduate this program this year. I am saving my money to get a car. I have found some self esteem and forgiveness of myself. I like myself for the first time since early childhood. Next Fall I plan to go to college to get certification to be a warmheartedness Abuse Counselor, or go to school to learn computer life or computer graphics. I havent decided yet. I just know that I want to help other addicts. I attend 12-Step meetings, and die most weekends with my parents or birth mother. I have learned a sense of responsibility and have learned to take care of myself. I still have hard times, but they are a sumptuosity compared to my problems I faced while on drugs. Just having a expert safe clean bed at night makes me grateful